The Driven Snowe Read online

  Sweetie, I’m going to work, her mother would say all those years ago. Her mother would come back from her day job, maybe have a hasty dinner with Angela and her grandmother, then kiss her good-night at seven before working a shift at The Roadstop, as the diner was then known. Her mother would sometimes bring home food, which was good on the occasions when Gram had fallen ill and there was less money for food than usual. By the time her mother was the age Angela was now, she had been divorced for eight years, with a young daughter and her mother to take care of by herself.

  Angela could still picture her mother, her faded mint green uniform so stiffly pressed it hurt to look at it, and her hair pulled back in a severe ponytail that had ended at the nape of her neck.

  Angela reached up, feeling her own ponytail absently.

  I’m not my mother.

  “Hello? You awake back there?” Ginny asked, ignoring Tanya’s huff of impatience. “You know, sometimes it’s better to get these things off of your chest…”

  “I’m scared that I’m in love with Josh.”

  They sat there for a moment, and in the silence that followed, Angela could have bit her tongue off. The words had just jumped out. I shouldn’t have said anything. What will they think? What was I thinking?

  Before she could somehow try to retract the statement, Ginny nodded, her eyes sympathetic as she turned to her. “I thought it might be something like that. Angela, it’s better for you to talk about it, believe me.”

  Tanya nodded, too. “Tell me…are you scared of being in love, or scared of being in love with Josh?”

  Angela paused. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. Both, I guess.” She took a deep breath. She hadn’t talked like this with anybody since Bethany, and just opening up was hard. “I thought when we started that it would just be casual. I don’t exactly have a history of relationships.”

  “So it’s really more love in general, then?”

  Angela sighed. “Well, sort of. Josh is…complicated.”

  Ginny turned, looking over the back of her seat. “Is it his whole past track record with women?”

  Angela frowned. “Not really his reputation,” Angela said, thinking about it even as she said it. She hadn’t even really thought about it since they’d started their arrangement. She’d never seen him “in action,” as it were. “If anything, it’s how much he’s involved with me. I feel like he’s calling all the shots…that I don’t have time to really process what’s going on. I keep thinking I don’t want to do something, and the next thing I know, he’s charming me or persuading me, or whatever, and suddenly I’m doing exactly that.”

  Strangely, they seemed to understand. “You’ve been together, what, eight months?” Ginny asked.

  Angela thought about it. “More like four or five.” Had it really been only that long? She was starting to lose track—she could barely remember what her life was like without him.

  “Really? It seemed like longer.”

  “You’re a couple that really seems to work well together,” Tanya interjected. “He really cares about you. He might try to persuade or charm you, but that’s probably just an aspect of his personality. He’s not bossing you around or bullying you to get you to do what he wants, does he?”

  “Of course not.” As if she’d stand for that!

  “And what you wind up doing…is it something that, in your gut, you really feel morally wrong about? Are you doing things you feel you shouldn’t be doing?”

  Angela paused. “I…no. Probably not really.”

  Tanya nodded again. “It’s the love thing in general. You feel like he’s edging you toward love, and you don’t know if you’re ready for it or not.”

  “I guess that’s it.” Angela closed her eyes, remembering Saturday—how panicked she’d felt when he’d started talking about love, and wondering what exactly he was going to confess to her. “No, that’s not it. It’s that he won’t let me have time to come to these decisions my own way. I might love him,” she said, and even the words made her palms sweat. “But I need to do things on my own time. He keeps rushing me. How can I make the right decision if he keeps rushing me?”

  “Have you explained that to him?” Ginny said.

  “I’m working on it.”

  “Well, I will say this,” Tanya said gently. “I’ve seen how he looks at you, even when you’re not looking at him. I’ve seen how he talks to you, and how he acts around you. The man obviously loves and cares about you deeply. He might be a little heavy-handed, and a little impatient, and the guy has enough charm to light up a city block. But he’s also under your power a little. And that’s what this is all about, isn’t it? How much of yourself you’re giving up?”

  “I don’t know,” Angela said. “It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I’m fighting to stay myself.”

  “It’s a Friday night, and instead of being with him, your boyfriend, you’re out with us,” Tanya pointed out. “How did he feel about that? He didn’t charm you out of that, did he?”

  Angela thought about it. “No. He didn’t sound thrilled, obviously. It doesn’t help that I’ve been dodging him all week, either.” Angela smiled a little, finally. “I think he’s re-grouping.”

  “The fact of the matter is, he loves you. And despite your skittishness, I think you love him. You might need to think about it, but to pretend you can just ignore what you’re feeling until you’re comfortable with it…it’s not fair. It’s not fair to him, and more importantly, it’s not fair to you. You deserve to be happy.”

  You deserve to be happy.

  She’d been worried about her independence, about her dreams and how she would have to curtail them in an effort to stay in a relationship with him. He’d only been kind to her, and compassionate, and loving. Sure, he’d had that one bobble when he’d bolted from her arms, then yelled at her for making plans without him. They were just…fights. They happened from time to time. She’d just be deluding herself if she waited for a relationship that never had any problems, ever.

  She liked—no, she loved the time she spent with this man. She loved waking up with him, loved listening to him talk about work or his family or basically anything. She loved the way he thought about her.

  I love Josh.

  She waited for the fear to hit, and it did, but it was a muted echo compared to what she was used to feeling.

  She smiled, and for a moment, she wished she hadn’t promised that she would go out with the girls tonight. That thought didn’t instill fear, either. Maybe she would call him later. Or stop by his house.

  Maybe I’ll just hijack a car and go over there as soon as we stop….

  She grinned at herself. Her legendary reserve was crumbling with every passing mile.

  They pulled up at the diner. It was packed with cars, and teenagers hung out in the parking lot, laughing and talking around the backs of trucks and jeeps. Several of them had lettermen jackets from Manzanita High. There were also more urban and upscale cars. Solar Bars’ yuppie infusion, as it were. She remembered the semis that had regularly been parked up and down the street, and laughed to herself.

  They made it to the doors, and Angela was practically tapping her toes with impatience. I love Josh, I love Josh. It was bouncing through her head, bubbling through her bloodstream. Of course she loved Josh. It seemed so obvious now. She had the chance of a life-time—not repeating her mother’s mistake, but learning from it. She had let her mother’s experience cow her for far too long. He had never been anything but kind to her—insistent, yes, but kind. Why was she letting old ghosts stop her? It seemed silly, now, to be afraid.

  They pushed their way through the crowd at the front of the diner, getting to a harried-looking waitress who informed them that the wait would be half an hour. Angela groaned, and Ginny laughed. “Hungry?”

  “Yes.” She was hungry to see Josh.

  Tanya gave her a piercing look, and then smiled. “Go call him while we’re waiting. I’ll drop you off at his place right after we eat din
ner.”

  Angela stared at her, then hugged her as she laughed. “I’ve been there,” Tanya said, hugging back. “Go on. Call.”

  “I hope I feel that way some day,” Ginny said as Angela started to leave. “And, Tanya, I hope you smack me for it.”

  Angela felt ridiculous, but happy. She pushed her way through the crowd. She knew the layout of this building by heart, and despite the changes to the decor, she still knew where everything was. She walked past tables, almost blindly, heading for the corridor that led to the rest rooms and the pay phones.

  “Oh, Josh, you haven’t changed a bit!”

  Angela stopped for a second, and almost tripped as the person behind her bumped into her. Grumbling, the man walked around as Angela saw who was talking and stared, frozen.

  There, in one red vinyl-covered booth, was Josh—smiling his winning grin at her talkative travel agent, Shelly.

  Angela felt nothing for a second. The scene made no sense to her. That was Josh, she realized, her Josh, the one she was in love with. The fact that he was with another woman didn’t quite compute. I’ll have to leave him a message, then, she thought inanely.

  Then she realized what was going on.

  He’s out to dinner. With another woman.

  She had never felt jealousy before in her life, and the force of it hit her like a brick. Her heart felt like it had imploded. She saw him smiling at Shelly, the same smile she was so used to receiving. He was talking animatedly.

  She bet that Shelly would have never abandoned Josh to go out to dinner with her friends. Which could possibly explain why Josh was now out sharing a meal with Shelly, rather than waiting patiently by the phone for Angela.

  She couldn’t blame him, she supposed. She couldn’t believe how much it hurt.

  She didn’t know how long she’d been standing there, or how long she would have stood there, until she saw his gaze move for a second from Shelly, meeting her surprised gaze, then move back to Shelly. His mouth dropped open and his eyes darted back to her.

  She didn’t have to think about what she was going to do. Her body started moving—she whirled on her heel and bolted.

  “Angela!”

  She plowed through the crowd, shouldering her way through the throngs of people. She just had to make it to the door, to get some fresh air. She needed time to think. She didn’t want his explanations when she couldn’t even make sense herself of what she was feeling.

  She moved through the rest of the group like a needle through cloth, strategically hitting each empty pocket and threading toward the door. She could hear some angry voices behind her, sounds of a scuffle. She didn’t dare turn around. The diner was large enough, but now it seemed like a football field. She was practically sprinting.

  “Angela?” Tanya began, looking at her with shock. “What’s wro…”

  Angela bolted past Tanya and Ginny, pushing the doors open and almost tripping down the steps. The night air was a blessedly cool relief, but she didn’t stop running. She’d made it past the crowd of teenagers, off to the dark side of the road. She didn’t want to see him. She just wanted to go home and think. Was that so much to ask…to not be overwhelmed by a man who had an explanation for everything?

  A car’s headlights flashed in front of her, and for a moment, Angela was blinded. She stopped then, colliding with the brush at the side of the road. She breathed in gulping, gasping breaths, holding the stitch in her side. To her consternation, the car slowed, then stopped. She tried to get ready to run again, but heard May’s voice in the darkness. “Angela? Is that you?”

  Suddenly, Angela had the energy. She bolted over to the car, ignoring May’s look of shock as she tugged at the passenger side of the car. May unlocked the door, and Angela all but flung herself inside. “Please take me home.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  Angela thought she could see people coming out of the diner. “Just please!”

  May stomped on the gas, and with a screech her station wagon tore across the pavement. Within seconds, the diner was disappearing rapidly in the side view mirror. Angela breathed a sigh of relief, and pressed her forehead against the cool window. She started shaking.

  “I was just going to join you guys for dinner before going home for a night alone with my husband,” May said. “You’re scaring me. What happened?”

  Angela thought about it. “I figured out I’m in love with Josh,” Angela said, with a little tremor in her voice. “Things pretty much went to hell from there.”

  JOSH WATCHED AS THE station wagon drove off with Angela inside.

  This was not how I’d planned this night to work out.

  “Mister, I’m talking to you.” The young man Josh had inadvertently knocked over in his haste to get to Angela had followed him outside. He was a high-school linebacker, and surrounded by his football buddies. He obviously had something to prove, and Josh was in no mood.

  “Josh, what happened?” Josh recognized Angela’s two co-workers, who were eyeing the scene in amazement, and were looking for Angela amongst the crowd.

  “You think you can just run into people that way?” the kid continued. “Not around here, pal. I don’t care who you work for.”

  The owner of the diner stepped out, looking horrified. He straightened his plum-colored suit nervously. “If there’s going to be trouble,” he warned in a prim tone, “I’m calling the police.”

  “Where’s Angela?” Angela’s friend asked. He was pretty sure her name was Ginny.

  “I said, you can’t just…”

  “I’m sorry,” Josh said to the kid. “I didn’t mean to. I was in a hurry to catch my girlfriend. She just drove off in a station wagon,” Josh said, to answer Ginny’s question.

  “Where did she go?” Angela’s other friend asked, her voice filled with concern.

  “I don’t know,” Josh said.

  The kid half shoved him. “That’s not good enough,” he said, glancing at his friends. “You want to get your girlfriend…”

  “Josh,” a new voice drawled from the doorway, “is everything okay?”

  Everyone turned to check out this new development. Shelly stood framed in the doorway. She was wearing a very short skirt, a very low-cut blouse, and a small smile.

  Josh sighed in exasperation. “Does everything look okay?”

  Angela’s two friends looked at her, then at him, and he could almost hear the mental click. “It’s not what you think,” he said immediately. “You bastard,” Ginny said. The other one couldn’t say anything, apparently.

  “Please…” he said, trying to stop them, but they were beyond hearing him. They stormed off toward their car, and drove off.

  He turned to the linebacker, feeling poisonous. “So? You want to do something about all this?”

  The kid, who had seen the whole exchange, grinned sheepishly and shook his head. “Nope. Looks like you’ve got your hands full.” He glanced at Shelly, and to Josh’s disgust, he elbowed him. “Way to go, man. Two chicks!”

  Josh shook his head. Still, it got him out of trying to reason and or battle with this kid, so he supposed he ought to count his blessings. It might be the only thing that went his way tonight.

  He looked at the owner. “Could you do me a favor, and put our meal on my account? You’ve got me down for a few corporate parties this year. I’m Josh Montgomery, with Solar Bars, Inc.”

  The man blinked. “Oh. Of course, Mr. Montgomery.”

  Josh looked at Shelly, who still wore that small smile. “I think I’m going to have to take you home, Shelly.”

  Shelly frowned a little, then shrugged. “Okay. I understand.”

  They got into his car, and were halfway to her house, and he hadn’t said a word since. He was too intent on the road, on getting rid of Shelly so he could drive over to Angela’s and explain the circumstances before she blew it out of proportion. He knew her. She’d been dodging him for a week, and he was already afraid of losing her. Now what was going to happen?

  “She
’ll get over it, believe me.”

  Josh had pretty much forgotten Shelly was sitting there. “Sorry?”

  “She’ll get over it. Trust me. Women want to believe the best of the men they’re with,” she said, and her voice was bitter. “You pretend he wasn’t whispering into his cell phone. You ignore the fact that he was out till two o’clock in the morning with the boys. You just keep building these little justifications for him, until one day he says he’s leaving you for another woman. Up to that point, you listen.” She sighed. “By then, you can’t believe what you’re hearing.”

  Josh shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I would never cheat on Angela.”

  “Then why were you out to dinner with me?”

  He glanced over at her, surprised. She was looking at him, her eyes low-lidded.

  He shook his head. “I’m sorry your husband was a jerk, and I know how hard it’s been for you, moving back to town and all. I just wanted to be nice.” He glanced at her, a little more sharply. “That’s all.”

  She turned away from him for a second, looking out the window. When she turned back he could see she was hurt and more than a little bit angry. “Just nice.”

  “Did you really think it was more than that?”

  “I thought about it,” she said slowly. “Once we started talking, though, it was ‘Angela this’ and ‘Angela that.’ I figured you probably cared a lot about her, and that you were probably trying to warn me off.”

  He heaved a mental sigh of relief.

  “Either that, or you were just feeling guilty for cheating on her,” she said, making him feel even worse. “I figured I’d know one way or the other by the end of the night.”

  They arrived at her house, and he pulled into the driveway. He kept the motor running. “Well, I’ve got to go back to Angela,” he said quickly. “She’s really angry, and she’s probably hurt.”

  Shelly didn’t move, just looked at him for a second. “I guess asking you in for a nightcap is out of the question.”

  He looked back at her, unwavering. “It is for me,” he said quietly. “Sorry, Shelly.”

  She shrugged again. “Can’t blame a girl for trying.” With that, she got up and walked into her apartment.