Ship of Fools Read online

  “Sounds important.” She nodded, sipping her drink. “You always knew you were going to work for your family someday.”

  They went silent for a minute. He imagined she was remembering the last time he’d brought it up: when he was breaking up with her, senior year.

  I need to focus on school. I’m going to be working for my family, and they don’t take failure well. Or at all.

  He frowned.

  “You’re working with your family, too,” he said quickly, to change the subject. “Hailey, Cressida… Grandma Frost too?”

  The server dropped off their entrees – sea bass for him, seared ahi and some hand rolled sushi for her – and then retreated. Rachel’s eyes looked down at her plate, and she let out a deep breath.

  “Grandma Frost died four years ago,” Rachel said quietly. “Breast cancer. She’d had it since my senior year at U Dub.”

  “Oh, God. I’m so sorry,” he said quickly. “I didn’t know.”

  “Obviously. Why would you?” She shrugged. “It was hard. But we got to spend as much time with her as possible, and we took turns taking her to chemo and radiation and hanging out with her. It brought us closer together as sisters.” She paused. “It did mean putting off grad school for a while, but she was adamant that I still go.”

  He looked at her, feeling admiration radiate through him. “Sounds like you’ve been through a lot in the past decade.”

  “Yes,” she said simply. Then she looked at him, her expression sad.

  Another moment of quiet. “You were always one of the strongest women I knew,” he said. “From what you’ve told me, and what you’ve gone through, it sounds like you’re even stronger now.”

  Her smile was small but sweet. “Thank you, Ren.”

  They tucked in to their food, talking about their jobs, their siblings, where they lived. He told her about his condo in Seattle; he was surprised to find that she was still living at the bookstore, although she wasn’t sharing a room with Hailey any more… she was situated in Grandma Frost’s loft bedroom. “It took a long time to get used to it,” she admitted. They talked about their jobs. He was delighted with the addition of collectibles and “nerd memorabilia” to Frost Bookstore.

  Best of all, they were joking with each other, still that easy back-and-forth.

  Finally, as dessert was being served, he nudged at his crème brulee. “So… have you been seeing anyone?”

  She shot him a tiny, sly smile. “You mean in the ten years since we broke up?”

  He smiled back ruefully. “Yes.”

  “There have been a few serious relationships,” she said, then sighed. “But right now, no. With school, and work, and the store, I just haven’t had the time. Or the interest, really.”

  So she was single. He could help but feel buoyed by a jolt of excitement. Of course, she’d just said she was too busy for relationships.

  Maybe there was wiggle room there? He was busy, too, after all.

  “How about you?” she asked, spooning up a bite of tiramisu.

  “Still single myself,” he said quickly. “I’ve seen some people in the past ten years, but like you said – a lot’s gone on, and I’ve been really busy.”

  She nodded.

  He grabbed the check over her protests. “I asked you to dinner, so I get the check,” he said firmly. “I was wondering… do you think about us at all?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know. About what we used to be like,” he said. “About what might’ve happened, if we had stayed together.”

  Her expression didn’t waver, but her eyes snapped. “It was a long time ago,” she said, her voice perfectly even. Too perfect, like she was forcing a sense of calm. “And let’s face it, you were right. We were too young. Odds were good we would’ve crashed and burned in an epic manner.”

  “But we’re not too young now,” he murmured. “We’ve got ten years of experience behind us. We’re different people than we were then.”

  She leaned forward, her voice lowering. “What exactly are you saying, Ren?”

  He took a deep breath. “I’m saying,” he offered quietly, “have you considered what would happen if we gave it another try? Started seeing each other again?”

  She stared at him, those violet eyes like lasers, searing into his soul.

  Then she threw back her head and laughed.

  #

  “I take it that means you haven’t thought about it,” Ren said wryly.

  “I haven’t considered it because it’s… it’s…” Rachel shook her head. Ridiculous? Ludicrous? Unbelievable? “Inconceivable,” she finally settled on.

  He grinned. “I do not think that means what you think that means,” he said, with Inigo Montoya’s accent from The Princess Bride.

  She couldn’t help it. She grinned back. “Unlikely, then.”

  He leaned closer to her, his dark brown eyes shining. “Tell me why.”

  She felt her mouth go dry, and quickly took a drink of water.

  She thought she’d done a great job tonight. When she’d walked in, she’d managed to stay confident, her head held high. She wasn’t going to let the guy who had dumped her ten years ago walk all over her again. She was going to show him what he was missing, in her little black dress and best black stilettos. She’d done her hair and makeup carefully, even though she usually just gave them a careless swipe when she went to work or school. She was a killer tonight.

  Then she’d gotten a look at him, and she’d felt her walls start to crumble.

  He looked fantastic. The years had only been kind to him. His jet-black hair was cut short, putting his sharp cheekbones on display. His dark eyes seemed to eat her up, and his smile – God, that smile! – displayed the dimple that flirted at the left edge of his mouth. He had some laugh lines crinkling at the corners of his eyes that made him look more mature, distinguished.

  She wanted to lick him.

  None of that, you idiot, she chastised herself, putting on her very best lock-down mode. She was here because he’d asked, and because she wanted to thank him for the use of his plane. But honestly, she was there for one reason, and one reason only.

  To show him what he’d walked away from.

  She’d managed to do that for the past two hours. She hadn’t embarrassed herself by mooning over him or throwing herself at him, as she imagined a lot of women must do on a regular basis. He was a billionaire international business magnate, after all, working for his parents’ huge corporation. And he was gorgeous. He managed to make cutting sea bass look ridiculously sexy.

  She needed to get out of here.

  Then he’d hit her with the “do you ever think about us getting back together?” question, and she couldn’t help it: nervous laughter bubbled out of her like a shaken champagne bottle.

  “I can honestly say I never, ever considered the possibility of the two of us getting back together,” she said, shaking her head.

  “But why not?”

  “Why not?” She bought time by carefully folding the linen napkin on the table. “How about because I haven’t spoken with you in ten years? And because ten years ago, you broke up with me – broke off our engagement, in a way that broke my heart?”

  She bit her lip. She hadn’t meant to say all of that. She quickly cleared her throat, looking up.

  “I’m not saying it wasn’t the right move. In fact, I agree with you one hundred percent, in hindsight,” she said, glad that her voice was even, sure that her expression was placid. “Honestly, if it hadn’t been for Cressida and wanting to borrow your plane, I think I never would’ve seen you again.”

  “You told me not to get in contact with you,” he reminded her. “When we broke up. You said that if you ever wanted to talk to me again, you’d call me. I took that seriously.”

  “And I appreciate it.”

  His eyes glowed. “I kept the same damned phone number since high school on the off chance that you might want to talk to me.”

  She blinked. �
��That’s… surprising.”

  And crazy. And – she had to admit – sort of romantic.

  Hey, he dumped you, remember?

  She forced herself to focus. “I still want to pay you back for letting us use your plane,” she said, trying to shift them back to a less emotionally charged subject.

  “You know it wasn’t a big deal for me. And don’t you think, on some level, you wanted to reach out to me? You could’ve figured out another way, but you trusted me,” Ren pointed out. “And I’m glad I could help, both because I care about Cressida, but also because it got me back in contact with you.”

  She frowned. “We had dinner.”

  “And I enjoyed it, more than I’ve enjoyed going out with anyone in a long time.”

  “It’s been ten years,” she repeated. “We’re really different people now.” She paused. “I’m a different person now.”

  He nodded. “I’d like to learn more about those differences. I want to find out all about you.”

  She stared at him. “Ren, what in the world is bringing this on?”

  “What do you mean?” He stared back at her, his gaze intense. “I would think it’s clear.”

  She got up. “I think that maybe you’re fetishizing the past a little bit,” she said, with a shaky laugh.

  He got up in response, then helped her into her thick wool coat. She got a whiff of his cologne. It smelled like something manly and expensive, like cedar and some kind of musk. She wanted to bury her head in the lapel for a second. Just for a second, to really breathe it in.

  You have got to get out of here, now, before you do something seriously stupid.

  She waited until he got his coat on, and she smiled at him, her best customer-service smile. “Thank you for dinner, Ren,” she said. “It’s been nice. Odd, but nice.”

  “Let me walk you to your car,” he said, gesturing to the door.

  “Um. Okay.”

  They walked in silence to the parking garage. She could feel the cold February breeze. There was talk that there would be snow soon. She hoped not. They walked in silence to her car, a beat-up Subaru that she’d done her best to clean up. “This is me,” she said. “Thanks, again.”

  He leaned against the car, and in a flash she was reminded of when he’d walk her to her car at school. His smile was quicksilver, his eyes flashing with mischief… the look he gave her before he usually kissed her senseless.

  She couldn’t help it. Her heart started slamming against her ribcage, her breathing went shallow. She clutched at her purse.

  “I missed you.” His smile was lopsided. “I didn’t realize how much until tonight.”

  Gaaaaaahhh! Right in the feels!

  She fought to keep her expression impassive. “I missed you, too,” she said, trying to make it sound less emotional than she was feeling.

  “I missed talking to you.”

  He was leaning close enough that she could feel his body heat, even through her thick coat. “Tonight was fun,” she admitted.

  He moved closer still, closing the gap between them, until she could feel his breath brushing against the side of her neck. “I’d like to talk to you again,” he said. “Would you mind if I called you some time? No pressure.”

  She shivered, and not because of the cold. Part of her just wanted to reach out and grab him, see if his lips were as firm and pliable as she remembered. It had been a while since she’d had sex, her body was quick to remind her. It might not hurt to see if other things were as you remembered, is all we’re saying.

  She pulled back for a quick second, then took him in.

  His nostrils were flared slightly, and she could make out the quick thump of his pulse in his throat. His pupils were dilated. She wasn’t the only one affected here.

  He wanted her.

  This is like playing with dynamite.

  Knowing it was stupid, she reached out, ready to give him a quick hug. Only somehow, she forgot to let go. The two of them pressed together near her car, his arms wrapping around her, his head nuzzling the top of hers. She could’ve sworn she felt him brush the slightest kiss against the crown of her hair.

  “You can call me,” she heard herself say, as she untangled herself from their sweet, slow embrace. “I mean, if you’re not too busy. I know you’ve got a lot going on with work, and all.”

  “I’ll make time,” he said, his voice deep and hypnotic. “Goodnight, Rachel. We’ll talk soon.”

  She nodded, then got into her car, changing her shoes from sexy stilettos to slip-on sneakers. She waited until he walked away, then banged her head gently on her steering wheel.

  “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she muttered at herself.

  Well, it wasn’t that bad. She’d just agreed to talk to him again, that was all. And she’d made him want her. He’d gotten a good look at what he was missing.

  Of course, does it count if you want him right back?

  “Oh, shut up,” she said to the empty car, and then started the engine.

  #

  Call her already!

  Ren glanced at his watch. It was six o’clock the following day, and he was still at the glass desk in his black-and-gunmetal gray office, trying to focus on work when it was the last thing he really wanted to do.

  He’d spent all day putting out fires. He wanted to call Rachel that morning, after spending the night tossing and turning, thinking about her. He hadn’t even kissed her, for Christ’s sake, but she was traipsing through his mind like a ghost, haunting him.

  He didn’t want to seem too desperate, but the thing was, he was desperate.

  There was a knock on his door, and he looked up. His brother, Jian, was standing there, just wearing a dress shirt and tie, no jacket. He looked frazzled. “The software loophole’s closed.”

  “I know. Ted told me this morning,” Ren said.

  “Yeah, but now it’s closed on the audit side,” Jian said. “We need to do something about the software developer we’ve got under contract. It was their screw-up, and it feels like I’m running around like a chicken every time they try to roll a change out, trying to fix their fuck-ups.”

  “I know,” Ren said, rubbing at his temple. “I need to talk with Mom and Dad about canceling their contract. I think we’ve got the talent in house, or could hire more talent, to develop something that’s more nimble. Or we could hire another developer altogether.”

  Jian sighed, leaning against the door frame. “So where were you last night, anyway? I’m surprised that you weren’t here with the developers to pinpoint the problem.”

  Ren shifted uncomfortably. “I was out. At dinner.”

  “Well, why couldn’t you just box it up and come in?” Jian asked, not comprehending the import of Ren’s statement.

  “Because I was with a woman, dingus,” Ren spelled out.

  Jian blinked, then grinned. “You? You had a date?”

  “I’ve been known to go on them from time to time.”

  “Not in the past year. Not since Dad shifted you to being head of I.T. and software development for the Electronics Division,” Jian said. “Where the hell did you meet somebody? Don’t tell me Mom fixed you up.”

  Their mother’s attempts at match-making were legendary.

  “No, Mom didn’t fix me up,” Ren groused. “If you must know… I was catching up with, um, Rachel Frost.”

  Now Jian’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “No. Shit.” He started to laugh. “I thought she hated you!”

  “Yeah, well, I did her a favor, so she started talking to me again,” Ren said. “And we caught up.”

  “Is she still hot?”

  Ren grimaced. “Knock it off.”

  “What? She’s not your girlfriend anymore,” Jian replied shamelessly. “And even in high school, even with those dorky glasses – she was bangin’.”

  “Don’t. You don’t have the street cred to say ‘bangin’’ in any context,” Ren said with a scowl.

  “Fine.” Jian rolled his eyes. “Is she still as be
autiful as she was in high school?”

  Ren thought about it. “Even more.”

  Jian let out a low whistle. “No wonder you’re looking like somebody slapped you,” he said. “You gonna see her again?”

  “If I have anything to say about it,” Ren said. “But she’s kind of wary.”

  “Well, you did dump her,” Jian said.

  “Yes, I know. Thanks for pointing out the obvious,” Ren said with a scowl. “I’ll make it up to her.”

  Jian shook his head. “You know what Mom and Dad are going to say.”

  At that, Ren stiffened. “They don’t have anything to do with this.”

  “Big brother, you’re the heir apparent for Chu Enterprises,” Jian said. “You’ve got pressure I don’t even want to think of. They’ve moved you through various divisions, all with an eye towards making you the big daddy of the family empire so our father can go play golf and Pai Gow for the rest of his life. They’re not going to want you distracted.”

  “Mom’s been after me to get involved in a relationship forever,” Ren protested. “I don’t see how this is different.”

  “It’s different because Mom’s been trying to get you married to people who are advantageous to the business. Trust fund kids from families who would ally well with Chu Enterprises,” Jian said, as if it were patently obvious. “And she’s been looking for women who understand that work would have to come first.”

  Ren frowned. “She hasn’t.” Had she? He hadn’t given his mother’s suggestions much credence.

  “Well, you wouldn’t know because you haven’t gone out on the dates,” Jian said. “Trust me. After a few fix-ups, I realized that I was basically ticking off boxes in an arranged marriage brochure. And the women? Bored as hell, but they seemed to get what was going on and were on board with it.”

  Ren felt appalled. “Are you kidding? Why did you even go?”

  Jian reddened. “Well, Mom was pushing, and you know how she and Dad get,” he temporized. “Besides… dude, I hadn’t gone out in months.”

  It took Ren a second to understand what his brother was getting at. Then he laughed. “You thought you’d get laid?”